IMAGINE... You have a challenging job as a school teacher and you're hip deep in planning your wedding. Then imagine you move to a new city, and start a new job-as an assistant principal. Things get hairier, right? Now, picture your boss, the principal, taking maternity leave just a few weeks before your wedding.
That's what happened to Allison Matney, who suddenly found herself in the leading role, responsible for the education of more than 775 children at an elementary school. With this high-pressure position demanding at least 60 hours each week, Allison had precious little time left over to do the equally important work of seeking out wedding vendors, scheduling appointments and making other necessary plans for the most special day of her life.
"I actually had to set up appointments just to make phone calls," Allison recalls. "I would write in my calendar the time a phone call was supposed to occur so I'd know not to be in a classroom or to call a teachers' meeting at that time."
Though some engaged women do quit their jobs or arrange to take a leave of absence to throw themselves into full-time wedding planning, this is hardly a practical (or even desirable) situation for the majority of working women. Instead, most, like Allison, have the challenging, and often frustrating, task of planning their wedding around a 40-hour-plus workweek. And let's face it: Planning your dream wedding can be a lot more compelling than your current work project! The key to successfully juggling both is learning to make the most of your time. We've come up with some tips to help you do just that - without losing your job.
ORDER! ORDER!
Whether it's with a Palm Pilot, a Filofax or an old-fashioned notepad, the sanity of a busy bride is tied to how well she organizes the planning process. "The biggest key is organization," says Leslie L. Ertel, a Jacksonville, Florida, wedding consultant. "The best things to invest in are a good book on planning a wedding and a calendar so you can develop a timeline."
Once you have that calendar or planner, don't let it waste away on your desk-use it to its fullest potential. "Be very specific. Write, 'After work today, drive across town and pick up favors. Note: Try to schedule a gown fitting for the same time since it's in the same part of town,'" says Susan Tatsui-D'Arcy, a wedding consultant and author of The Working Woman's Wedding Planner (Prentice Hall Press).
Part of the organization process is giving yourself enough time to plan. While many wedding planning experts recommend you allow at least six months, it can be done in less time (and, of course, in lots more time). But if you're not on top of the details, you can easily lose control-even if you have a full year or more. "I had to be extremely organized and plan ahead. I had a planner I reviewed every single night, and I went to work each morning with a wedding to-do list," says Kristin Kelley, a human resources administrator who spent a year planning her October wedding. "My efforts really paid off," says Kristin. "I could not have kept appointments organized or stayed on track without following my planner religiously. And by the end, I was less stressed out.'
OFFICE SMARTS: BE UP-FRONT!
The best way to keep the air clear between you and your boss is to be up-front with him or her about the ways in which wedding planning might, say, intrude on your day job. Instead of trying to sneak out early for an appointment with your caterer, meet with your boss at the onset of planning to discuss ways to accomplish your wedding-related tasks without adversely affecting your job performance.
THE BUSY BRIDE'S PLAN
Heidi Van Vliet, a busy public relations manager who got married last September, found herself in her boss's office working out a "flexible" work schedule two months before her wedding. "For legal reasons, my venue was no longer available. So I had to replan my wedding from scratch," she says. "It became crucial to meet with my boss to outline my time needs." Luckily, her boss was able to accommodate her needs. "I was allowed to come in earlier and leave earlier, which helped enormously," says Heidi.
If, like Heidi, you find you need extra time during the final weeks before the wedding to deal with last-minute mishaps, don't let that be a surprise to your boss and coworkers. It's imperative that everyone be aware of what you're planning from the start. You need to talk openly about working alternative hours, skipping lunch to leave early or, if necessary, putting in some weekend time. Perhaps you can borrow a few vacation days from the next year.
Although this may be one of the biggest events in your life, you don't want the bulk of your work to be consumed by wedding planning. Nicki Ferguson, an executive assistant/ administrator for a public relations firm, dealt with the pressure to get tasks accomplished during business hours by leaving messages for vendors in the evenings, so they could call her back the next day at work. "It's easier to receive personal calls at work than to make them," explains Nicki, who recently got married. Remember: Whether you make or receive wedding-related calls in the office, keep phone time as brief as possible.
BACKGROUND CHECK: DO THE RESEARCH!
From following up on references offered by friends and family to checking out potential vendors on the Web, there are several ways to streamline the planning process. "Start with the things you know the most about. Perhaps you have a sister or a friend who just got married and had a phenomenal photographer. If that's the person you want, go ahead and hire him or her," says Ertel.
Jackie Leonard, who works at a busy public relations firm, started by sending out an e-mail query to co-workers who recently tied the knot. "I compiled their suggestions for photographers, caterers and florists, then looked them all up on the Internet," she says. With that short list in hand, she only had to make a handful of calls.
While it's not wise to hire vendors without conducting at least one in-person interview, the Web can be a brilliant means of narrowing down your choices, especially since you can consult it anytime you have computer access and a few minutes of downtime. "I would never pick anything directly off the Internet without talking to the vendors first. But it's a great way to do some legwork," says Jackie.
That said, the Web can be tangled, even for the Internet-savvy. Getting trapped in endless, fruitless hours of surfing, or finding too much and suffering information overload, is not going to help you stay streamlined.
In addition to narrowing down vendors, the Web is also an efficient means of communication. "Talking to the members of your bridal party individually can amount to several hour-long phone calls. But if you send a group e-mail update, it takes 30 minutes," says Tatsui-D'Arcy.
TASKING TIPS: DELEGATE!
Whether it means putting your mother in charge of picking up your bridal gown a few days before the wedding or asking your best friend to call a few photographers early in your search, it's important to have "helpers" on hand during the planning to take care of those details you simply don't have time for - and to allow you to concentrate on the big picture.
"The bride doesn't have to do every single thing. You really need to delegate," says Tatsui-D'Arcy. "Often a woman who works 40-plus hours a week is familiar with how to do this." Sociologist Angela L. Thompson, author of Unveiled: Secrets of the Wedding Industry (Algena Publishing), says it's important to become a "project manager, not just a bride" during the planning process.
"Have friends and family handle certain logical things. If your friend is a gardener, ask her to research florists for you. If you know a great cook, ask her to scan caterers' menus so you can cut out those that don't meet your standards," says Thompson.
Although it's an added expense, hiring a bridal consultant can give you peace of mind when trying to juggle work and wedding planning. "If you're in a position to have someone work for you, don't feel bad about relinquishing that control. After all, you would hire a contractor to build a house," says Thompson. Imagine the bliss: You convey your version of the wedding to her, she does all the work, and she is the only person you have to call.
But if you can't afford to pay someone to "do it all," it still may be worth your while to schedule a one-time planning meeting with a wedding consultant. "It may cost you $45 for an hour, but a consultant can give you a ton of great ideas and suggestions on where to go; then you can take that information and run with it," explains Thompson. Bounce ideas off a wedding consultant - like your dream of hosting a backyard tent wedding. She can inject your dream with a dose of reality, so you'll know exactly what you'll have to do to make it work.
IS THAT THE TIME? FITTING IT ALL IN
You may not have all the time in the world to plan, but don't feel you have to squeeze wedding planning tasks, calls and research into lunch hours and weekends. Try to make the most of other bits of downtime as well. Charlene Hein, founder of Everlasting Memories by Char, a bridal consulting business in Lakewood, Colorado, advises clients to save time by listening to sample DJ or band tapes on a car stereo or Walkman on the way to work.
Keep meetings with vendors from spilling over into the rest of your life by preparing well beforehand. That means communicating to them not only what you want, but also what you don't want. "I knew I preferred simple flowers instead of an ornate bouquet," says Jackie Leonard, "so I clipped photos from magazines of the ones I definitely didn't want, and sent them to the florist ahead of time so that we would both be on the same page."
Instead of listening to each vendor's prepared spiel of services, Leonard politely cut to the chase and initiated each interview with a series of questions - getting to the heart of their style, price, performance and presentation - so she could quickly determine if it was worth moving forward.
One way to combine work and wedding planning is by recruiting co-workers to assist you (assuming they're willing!). Heidi's work friends, all of whom were invited to the wedding, helped stuff invitations and assemble favors after hours, and even tried on attendants' gowns since her bridesmaids were scattered across the country.
Some brides, like Laura Newman, 29, a senior account executive for a New Canaan, Connecticut-based publicist, say they found it helpful to specifically seek out vendors with home offices who aren't restricted to business hours. "It was great to be able to talk to my vendors at night. My florist and I met at a diner to go over ideas, and my photographer brought his samples over to my house," says Laura.
In addition, bridal experts warn against scheduling a wedding during traditional busy periods in your own industry. It may be obvious for, say, an accountant to plan a wedding well clear of tax time, and for a teacher to wed during the summer holiday. But do take a look at your own upcoming work schedule. Jeri Solomon, owner of a self-titled floral design company, planned her own wedding for last March, one of the least popular bridal months, when she knew her business would be less hectic. "I knew I would have the luxury of tying up all the details myself if I planned for this time," says Solomon, who also lectures on wedding planning at seminars hosted by the Boston Wedding Group, an industry organization.
Brides and planners agree that it's also helpful to take at least two days off-or, if possible, up to a week-before your wedding, so you can gather your thoughts and firm up last-minute details.
Finally, just as with any major work project, try not to stress out if every detail doesn't turn out exactly as planned. "So many brides strive for that perfect wedding," says Thompson. "But perfect is virtually impossible, especially if you're working 50 hours a week. Instead, replace the word 'perfect' with the word 'beautiful,' and strive for that."
*Reprinted from Spring/Summer 2003
